As per the recent survey, children have lost touch with the natural world, so much so that many have trouble identifying even common animals such as frogs. This is so sad, people!

If you think your children are unfamiliar with the great outdoors and its fascinating creatures, then it’s high time to gather the family together, pack a lunch and then camp out in front of the big TV set in the living room.

There the wonders of nature will unfold, including such extraordinary animals as the talking gecko, an amazing lizard that actually sells car insurance. A groundbreaking series of commercials have captured the talking gecko in its natural environment, talking to potential customers. You have to see it to believe it.

Unfortunately, in the case of the aforementioned frogs, they are no longer pitchmen for Budweiser, but you can still share stories with your children about the three frogs, conveniently named “Bud,” “Weis” and “Er,” and how they helped keep people entertained during boring Super Bowl games.

These and other true facts about the natural world will teach children that animals don’t have to be dull, that many of them, especially the talented ones that appear in commercials, are surprisingly wacky.

Elsewhere in science news, we have a report that that the Phoenix Mars landing has confirmed the presence of water on Mars, meaning that NASA’s long-cherished dream of bottling Martian water for sale on Earth may actually come true.

(Unbeknownst to NASA, I have already registered a trademark for the name “Martian Springs,” though I am willing to negotiate. For more information, please check martiansprings.com. In addition to being unusual, Martian Springs water will have many health benefits, though I haven’t decided yet what they will be.)

The discovery also holds the promise of something of far more profound interest to NASA scientists and indeed to all human beings, namely, the establishment of a water theme park on Mars, which the agency desperately needs to rekindle interest in the space program.

On the negative side of the Mars mission, the Phoenix found evidence that Mars soil contains perchlorate, which apparently is hostile to any plant life. In the interest of science, I plan to donate to NASA some of my crabgrass, which I am confident can grow anywhere.

And finally, we have news from Dr. Edgar Mitchell, a real-life astronaut who flew on the Apollo 14 mission, that aliens do exist.
Mitchell, 77, said his contacts within NASA told him the aliens were “little people who looked strange to us.”

In other words, they might look like some of those boy bands from the ’90s. Or — though Mitchell did not actually say this — perhaps some of those boy bands were aliens, which might explain some of their peculiar dances and the strange sounds coming out of their mouths.
Mitchell also noted that the aliens had superior technology — don’t they always? — and that if they had been hostile, “we would have been gone by now.”

Maybe, but I’d like to think diplomacy would have succeeded, especially if we were represented by the talking geckos.

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